The day I've been waiting for?

After almost exactly a year, I stepped on the scale this morning to see it.....my goal weight. I had gone over this moment in my head many, many times. Would I jump up and down and scream? Would I start crying out of happiness? 61 total lbs lost! My blood, sweat, and tears; everybody come look!

Well turns out it didn't live up to the drama I had created in my head. I said to Michael "hey babe guess what? The scale says 157.4!" He says "congratulations." Then we left the house and went to work.

Don't get me wrong...I am excited. I've worked hard at my WLJ this year. Trying to lose weight isn't a new thing for me, this is just the first time I've accomplished it. I've changed my eating habits and workouts more times than I can count, stayed OP then fell off the wagon for a few days, felt like throwing in the towel. I felt that happiness in my stomach when I saw that magic number. But the fear I had started feeling about 10 lbs ago came barging in with it. How in the hell am I going to maintain this weight?! I only know how to gain and lose...not maintain. If I start eating more or don't workout 5 times a week, is it all going to come back?! How many calories and points do I need to eat, APs I need to earn to stay this way? The fear of going back to the old me is enough to keep me on the losing side forever....not a healthy mindset but the truth nontheless.

So...I think I have my inspiration for this blog. Lots of people have a blog documenting their weight loss....I'm choosing to document what I think will be hardest for me, the maintainence. My experiences with running and working towards more 5ks and eventually a 10k, the gains and losses on the scale, the food and cooking experiments, and all the emotions in between. Learning how to just be me.

Here goes nothing!!

Self portrait comparison time!

This is me back in 2010

Here I am at a graduation party on 5/12/2012