Just what I needed

Until about 10 minutes ago, I had been having one of those "I don't really care what I eat" weeks.  I had food, fun, alcohol and sweets this past weekend at my mother's house and used all my weekly points in 2 days.  I got back home and attempted to stay OP for the rest of the week...but I brought those damn cupcakes home with me.  As the week went on I couldn't stay out of them, having 1 per night (or 2 last night.) Then at work I couldn't keep my hand out of the Cheez It box.  I had brisket tacos for dinner tonight. 
I still did my scheduled training runs on Sat, Tues and Thurs.  But I know I lied to myself about the amount of snacking and grazing I did. So I ended up gaining 1.4 this week.  I know a lot of it has to do with another factor in my life that I just don't want to blog about yet...but it's also my mindless eating.

But tonight I started reading a Weight Watchers friend's blog.  She's a wonderful woman that I talk with on the message boards on a daily basis.  She's such a great writer too...her blogs are quite articulate, not just word vomit like mine are.  But she touched on a subject that has been on my mind this week.  WHEN will food just be food to me?  I think way too much about food.  What I'm cooking for dinner, ooh this looks good, do I have the points do eat this after dinner, etc.?  It's exhausting! Why can't I just eat and not obsess about it?  Not have to plan every single thing I put in my mouth because of the fear that 60 lbs is going to come rushing back at me. 

I know my relationship with food is a little effed up.  I can't seem to comprehend that one bad meal or even weekend will not bring back on the 60 lbs I've lost.  I just want to eat a meal, and it be just that- a meal.  Nothing else. 

But then I start thinking about everything I've accomplished.  I'll be totally honest..when I started my WLJ a huge part of it was I wanted to look and feel attractive again.  But now it's almost become pushing myself to accomplish new things, things I never thought I'd do before.  Nothing major...as simple as cooking zucchini strips as "pasta" or as physically challenging as training for and running my half marathon in Oct.  Then eventually doing more halfs and at some point in my life, possibly a full marathon?

So I realized that sometimes a piece of cake at a family birthday is going to be more important that a small gain on the scale...but now I have the tools to not let that define me.    Life happens....but I'm never going back to where I was.

                           Michael and I on our honeymoon in Grand Cayman in 2009

                           Christmas 2011 at Michael's Nana's house